#56

Title: Who Am I? Celebrity Image

Date: 1 March 2011

Subject: Individual Memo

Decision: Revise and Resubmit

Dear Author, 

Thank you for the opportunity to read about this topic. Your argument stating how you should be true to who you are is very agreeable. I do think the topic could be more compelling in the writing style and format. It is however, a timely topic that we all can relate too and is also relevant.

This article is timely because celebrities images are hugely impacted by the media and technology these days causing them to not be themselves. With so much fame a lot of young stars are trying to fit in and live the party life and many are heading down the wrong road. Also with all the paparazzi and the enormous popularity of social networking cites, such as twitter and facebook, celebrities have to watch every word they say and how they say it because thousands of fan are accessible to this information so often times celebrities will act in certain ways to release the image they want the public to see. Even outside social networks celebs are constantly making themselves seem certain ways for the public. 

This article is relevant because one will always have a situation where he/she will have to decide how they will portray themselves towards others, and weather that person they portray is putting on an act or is the true them, and there will always be factors that can influence one to lose their authentic self and put on a front. Especially with us all being in college and meeting tons of new people this is very relevant to how real or fake we are towards the new people we meet and how they are towards us. 

This is article not very compelling, however. The sentence and paragraph structures are often hard to follow. The word "you" is used a lot, I don't know if that is proper in this kind type of article or not. I also feel that it could have been made a little more interesting and that there could be some more sufficient use of ethos and pathos to make the reader realize and agree you're argument better. I did find the nondisclosure parts interesting though. 

There are a few sentence-level mistakes that I found easier ways to state. The following are a few:

1.3 and 1.4- You may say, "Oh, I know who I am," but have you noticed that sometimes it seems that other people know you better than you know yourself?"

1.5- You may also notice yourself doing and saying things you never thought you would. 

1.6 and 1.7- We've all heard the phrases "Don't judge a book by it's cover" and "What you see is what you get," but are these phrases true or false?

2.1- I think that, in a way, we all have our own both personal and public personas just like the celebrities. 

2.8 and 2.9- Of course, celebrities have always been products, and they've always had to create marketable public images in order to succeed, but learning how to exist publicly is not just for celebrities anymore. 

4.3 and 4.4- It doesn't matter if it's true or not our society love to know about it, but can we believe these "need-to-know stories?

Thank you for your opinions and statements over this topic. I think this article will reach its best potential as a revise and resubmit article and it would be very beneficial to do so.

Sincerely,

Allison Johnson